A Quest To Serve

 I had an interesting conversation the other day with a coworker, and yes, it involved Jesus. He was saying how his friends seemed to all die at the same age of 47. He's coming up on that age so I asked the question, "What if you only had ___ amount of years to live?"
The question seemed to hit me with the impact I had intended for him as soon as it rolled off my tongue. What if I had only x amount of years? What if I had but months? Or days? How do I want to spend them. And it was in the response I gave for my own question, "Serving others," that I had one of those "Ah Ha!" moments.
 These last few weeks have been very...I don't know how to put it, life altering. Beki and I have thrown our all into Redeemer Fellowship and have been excited to finally know the Lord has called us to a church to serve in. In addition I had a fantastic weekend with these amazing men sold out for Christ who are loaded with potential.

Then there's my quest to seek out employment in the ministry. This quest is the one I grapple with the most. In a lot of ways I look at my seminary education as the catch all to landing a job; as though a degree suddenly opens up a position automatically. Though it might open up more doors than without I still know that I can't simply rely on an education to cover over my past...
Ah! There it is. See, here's what I struggle with the most: Will my past create fewer opportunities, or better yet, will it eliminate them altogether? On the one hand I know how big God is and that if he wants He'll open doors when they seem shut. But on the other, Where does the freedom for humans to reject even His chosen factor in?
Here's what I mean, I focus so much on this "jacket" that some say deems me a reject. So what does that make me? A product of the endless paper trail of poor decision making. I'm not good with rejection and it seems so often that rejection comes before opportunity with me. And 99.9% of the time it comes before I even get to meet a person. Because I know that if I could at least have that chance, an encounter with me increases my stock 10 fold. (whatever that idiom means)


But is it not the .01 percent we Christians hold on to in struggle? Is not the Creator of the universe, Healer of the lame, Restorer to the broken just as powerful with that tenth of a percent? I don't even think He needs that! Heck, I'm sure that God, no matter what situation we find ourselves in, doesn't even need a possibility because with Him "all things are possible!" 

So I hold out for that .01% chance that somehow the Lord will call me into the ministry if that be His will for my life and nothing, not even a piece of a paper, will stop that. In the meantime I live with this motto: Work Hard - Live Pure - Leave the Rest To God.

A New Family

I am, still, at this very moment blown away by those who surrounded me this weekend. I don't think they'll ever realize how great of an impact each one had on my life. The reason being? Because I was included into their lives as though I was a brother, a friend, and someone (forgive me) worthy enough to be in the company of such incredible people.
So that last statement needs to be clarified: I've never been around men of God before like I was this weekend. I've never experienced men who pray before they eat, talk freely about Jesus and their desire to impact the world in a positive, visionary like way. Alex, Pastor Jeff, Jordan, Barrett, Ben, Jake, all these men who've done big, world impacting things for the Kingdom surrounded me and it felt like I had known them all my life. It was inspiring on so many levels yet heart breaking on another.

See, I wasn't raised in a Christian home. Sure mom and dad did the best they could with what they  knew but I thought Jesus was a cuss word and not the Savior of the world up until I was 25. It breaks my heart to look back and know that I missed the opportunities to live a godly life and know that somehow I missed something throughout my childhood.
Yet on the other hand it was such a blessing. Get this, though I didn't have the experiences I would have liked with Christians as a child - my kids will. My children are going to get to call Ben Barreth Uncle...Ben (hey, like the rice! I just realized that.) Seriously, they are going to be able to say they have Jake as their uncle and Melody as their aunt. They'll be inspired by their uncle Barrett ( www.gowalkamerica.org ) and know that they can be encouraged by their Aunt Meredith. These are such rich hopes I have for our children. These are such wonderful hopes. And I know this will determine for Beki and I's children that the path to success runs straight through their aunts and uncles, their grandpa Ray and their cousins Zeke (the Prayer warrior) and Gwen.
What I'm saying is, though I wouldn't trade my family for anything, I'm so richly blessed to be included in this new one that includes revolutionaries for Jesus who have impacted their communities, their country, and their world for the positive. "How awesome is that?!" as Barrett would say.  
Melody, Jake, Congrats and may all that you seek be found in Christ's call for your lives through this beautiful union.