Monster or Saint???

I wrote some time back about needing to forgive myself in order to not become a prisoner of my past but rather a product. In it I talked about how moving forward can only come if I know that I'm not that same person; knowing full well I'll never do the things I once did e.g, drink, drug, fight.
But I have a record.
I have a file that talks about how "horrible Jeff Lee was (and some say is)."
In it I have people I only briefly conversed with telling other people who don't know me how awful a person I am and how I attempted to wreck lives.
Every bit of it paints me as this monster never fit for society.
Was I that way - Am I still?
There it is, the real question I'm asking myself this morning as I study God's word. Yesterday someone in a professional setting told me I act as though I don't own my past or that I make it out to be something less than what it was. Minimizing it.
The worst part was not the accuasation, it was the assumption.
I've worked my butt off to live right for the last 5 years. It's been tough. I've been slapped. I've been spit on. I've been pushed around by a crowd. Punched in the face. Called a name that every prisoner must fight over (and I didn't!). I've had drugs offered to me. I've been given the opportunity for alcohol numereous times and I've worked 2 houses down from an old drug house I used to frequent.
Changed? Monster? Me?
Some people will never be able to look past my record and see what I've done lately instead of what I've done. They'll judge me first by a list of crimes and not a list of good deeds. That's the disadvantage we who have to integrate back into society face with every job interview, every counselor's b.s., every probation officer, and every stranger.
That's what makes it hard. That's why yesterday I was in a bad bad place emotionally and was forced to ask the question, "Was I really a monster? Am I still capable?"

The times I live for Today. 

The first place I ran to was my Lord. The second - my wife. Nothing like a loving spouse to remind you of who you really are. She affirmed my fears and reminded me that some times people don't want to see the good in others. That it's the bad some want to focus on more than the good all to make themselves feel better. But that I have shown in more ways than one that I am not a monster.

Beki reminded me that I'm not who I was. God affirms that yes, I was a bad person, solely because I didn't have a relationship with Him. Now that I do, I'm a saint washed in the blood of Jesus, being worked for every good deed, demonstrating my faith through my works and waking up each day to impact my world for Christ.