God Showed Up

That Monday when I woke I was at a loss for my future and what I was going to do for work. I knew by the end of the week that I’d either be fired or have to quit. I love the ministry work I do for the homeless and in that community I have grown to love and cherish the individuals I’ve come to do life with. Now it seemed I was done, packing my bags and heading for greener pastures as I resigned myself to being victim of the underpaid career of ministry.

The week prior I had asked for a couple days off and didn’t get it. Instead I spent those 2 days out of the week acquiring a mere 3 hours of sleep and logging over 600 miles on my wife’s little Yarus. When the upcoming schedule came out on that Friday I found, yet again, the two days I asked for off I was put on to work. However this time I wasn’t going to make it in and I knew that no matter what, I was heading to St. Louis – with or without a job.

Sounds like I needed to get my priorities straight but this had been going on for some time now. I was disgruntled in my job at the Mission and with the cut back in hours, the below poverty level pay coupled with the consistent inconsistency led me to reevaluate my career move from construction to ministry. I was looking for work long before I made the decision to be unemployed by that Friday.

So with the idea of having to explain to a lot of people why I was tapping out of the ministry, Monday brought with it more than its usual "Monday's stink" stress. After my devo time (That’s what I’m calling it now) with J.C. I began to make phone calls, put in applications on line and make the much dreaded decision to go back into busting my back in construction. I was content with the idea that I tried ministry, I was good at it and loved doing it but my time was up, I must now resign myself to a life of back breaking labor.

705 Virginia, Kansas City, MO

Then the phone call came. Somehow the Board of Directors at Hope Faith Ministries saw my resume and liked what they were reading. In an impromptu meeting I found myself at the facility around 2pm doing a walk through with one of the members of the board.

I was familiar with Hope Faith. I knew that it was a day center where the majority of clients that stay at the Mission spend their time and I had volunteered with my Gospel Community from Redeemer Fellowship there. What I didn’t expect was the outpouring of love shown to me by the men I had grown to love and serve. “Jeff!” they screamed as I rounded each corner. I spent most of the walk through talking with clients more than my interviewers.

When the interview was done I didn’t expect much. I have minimal experience in management and at most I considered myself to be a good fit to run security there. I got home and called Beki to tell her how it went. It came as little surprise to her that the men reacted the way they did when I walked into the facility. I have grown to build a lasting relationship as a staple within the homeless community of Kansas City. I know that it is only by God’s grace on my life I’m able to speak into theirs. But to be offered a job during Hope Faith's huge transition was a leap.

Not but a few hours after I left the interview, I got a call from one of the board members asking me to come on as the Operations Director and Missions Team leader. I was blown away. That’s an understatement, no, I was in awe of how big God showed himself in that moment. Beki and I had been in fervent prayer over the last month about financial blessing and keeping myself in the ministry all while being able to provide for my family. Then it was like God showed up in a big way and through Hope Faith showed himself faithful to this lowly servant of his. By the end of the day I had 3 additional job offers: 1 from construction and the other 2 from Lowes and Home Depot.

Now as I fit my way into this ministry the expectations on me are great. I’m now a leader, a manager, in a position to make big changes that will further Hope Faith into the future in helping our cities homeless and less-fortunate. All of this through a deep commitment to work hard, live pure and leave the rest to God.

 

Knowing the path I came from and seeing my life unfold as it has, I'm still in awe as I sit here writing about a God who still is so faithful it's surprising. From drug addict degenerate, to prison inmate I would be counted in the statistics as a wasted life. Yet on the other side of that I'm now Director, preacher and faithful husband. And that's not without thanks to all the people who have invested in my life. I think the next blog should be a list of all those who have made this moment possible, because without Dr. Hughes, Ralph Maser, Shawn Sanchez, S.E. Moore, Ben Boyd, my Dad and the many other great men, I wouldn't be who I am. So I guess, not only has God showed up in a big way but all of these men and more have to.

Murder, The Boston Marathon and Jesus

Protesting is Not Evangelizing

I wanted to blog about issues – or more importantly issues that the Christian community tends to focus their sights on and attack with vigor. I wanted to talk about how it’s a great atrocity when Christians focus so much on individual issues that they forget – or worse yet, neglect –  the individuals that represent the issue.

Instead I want to relive a story, one of the first in the history of Beki and I’s relationship. It was around June of 2009 and we had barely met. We were in a Bible study and at issue was a local tragedy. Here’s the story:

2 men robbed a bank and made off in a getaway car in the small local town. After a reign of terror all through western Missouri they were in a shoot out with police and then taken into custody. The 2 men were apprehended and thrown in jail. Or, that’s the story I remember.

That Sunday we were in Sunday School and the attendees were mourning the thought of such heinous crimes. They were talking about the hardships and how we must pray for the fallen and those at the bank etc… Not once did I hear the culprits mentioned – not once did someone mention what a tragedy it was for those 2 young boys caught in atrocious sin and the families caught in the emotional turmoil of knowing they produced offspring capable of committing such a crime.

That is, no one but Beki and I. It’s funny how are hearts were connected right off the bat. We both mentioned that as a church we are called to love even the worst of sinners and pray for everyone, not just those it is easiest to pray for. I said something along the lines of this, “As a church we should be up there talking to these two young men, praying with them and telling them there is hope out of their sin and that hope is in Jesus – whom we want to share with you.”

Instead we got a less than pleasing response. An uncomfortable silence fell over the room and it was as though I were slandering and stomping on the rights of the community to mourn. The concept was foreign to this small country church unfamiliar with murder, robbery and crime on such a drastic level.

I remember this story as I contemplate the bombings in Boston and the tragedy that rocked the marathon today. The horror behind the retold stories by those at the finish line when the bomb went off are gruesome and saddening. My heart goes out to the families of the victims and mourns with America now as we deal with yet another terrorist attack on our homeland, the place where we should feel the safest.

Yet behind every prayer I pray for the victims, my heart mourns also for those who committed the act. I pour out in petition prayers for the families of those who have offspring willing to go through with this. I mourn at the thought that these men need help, they need someone to love them and show them love; because it is the lack of love they were willing to hurt others. I am shaken to the core at the thought that they don’t know a loving God who loves them and was so in love with them that he died for all their sins – even this extreme one!

I’m not calling you to pray for them – heck, that’s hard for anyone. I only ask you to consider, in all the pleas that we will see, to look and try to find someone, anyone who ever mentions that we need to pray for the attackers. Look and see and you’ll be hard pressed to find someone who is willing to silence a room and say, “Why don’t we go and wrap our arms around the murderers and talk to them about a peaceful, loving and most of all forgiving God whom we serve.

 

Kansas City's Racial Problem and How the Church Can Influence Change

   What can we do to bridge the gap in this wonderful city's great divide? 
      As left for class today I made my way through the business lined streets of Westport. Sprawling along each avenue are beautifully trimmed trees that line the paved sidewalks which run into the always illustrious Plaza. Not long after exiting Midtown I came onto Paseo, a street with many dynamics of poverty. As I head towards the Northeast side one only need to take a quick glance before noticing the vast contrast in neighborhoods. Businesses become rare, abandoned houses are the norm, and the African American population skyrockets. The divide starts at Troost Avenue. Some call it the "Troost Wall" because of how apparent the city's separation. When the lines were drawn for school district boundaries Troost was the line of separation to keep an all white southwest school district from that of the rest of Kansas City despite Brown vs. The Board of Education. 

Real Estate Monsters 

     In addition to this was the real estate barons of the past who sought to eliminate black home ownership. In the middle of all this was "community covenants  that could regulate "white only" homeowners in a district. To add to the mess were racial lending practices over and against the black population. It's saddening the treatment our veterans received after coming home from WWII where they fought and died to defend racial freedom only to be disregarded by racists in their own country.

      Why areas like the Plaza are so illustrious is due to developers quickly buying out property and partnering with banks and other community leaders to keep the population white. The stigma against blacks created from these tyrants has been allowed to infiltrate our churches and the east side of Kansas City is merely a place to avoid. I see it here down at the Mission where church volunteers gather once a month to hand out food and preach about life change only to disappear before getting too close.

My Heart Bleeds

How to influence a change in this city is my life's mission. I believe I have the life experience I do for just such a cause. I've walked through drug addiction where I spent most of my days acquiring my latest fix in these east side neighborhoods of Van Brunt, Paseo and Prospect. I've done time in prison and I've been called to minister the Gospel in the heart of Kansas City's most impoverished area. 

Just exactly how that is to be accomplished I don't know. Long range I can see a few things that need to take place

 Generational Wealth. 

     What I mean is that to right the initial wrong one of the steps to progress is home ownership. Now I know this isn't the totality of all solutions but it is one. Home ownership fosters pride, family unity and the joy one can receive in passing on to their children a piece of property that is owned. What happened in the 60 or so years since the conception of this racial divide is, again, racial lending practices to force fewer chances of African American home ownership. That has to change.

 Paradigm Shift. 

    I was talking with Kevin Cawley, Pastor of Redeemer Fellowship and he said this, "What East side needs is indigenous leaders." I agree, to a point. Now having been involved with various churches down in this area and seeing multiple groups come in to the Mission I have noticed a trend with most inner city black churches. Their pastors are flashy, they dance around on a stage and drive fancy Lincoln Town Cars. They exude a sense of esteem and accompanying these pastors are deacons who see Sunday as a day of pomp and pageantry. That must change. How the impoverished view church is through the lens of regal and fain fare. I heard an excellent sermon preached by a young man but I what got lost was the message among the spinning around, dancing, and occasional, "Can I get a witness!"

   The Gospel should be the heart of every sermon - not the clothes, the appearance, or the gimmick to attract. When we break down these barriers we will replace the paradigm and give back to this community an understanding that church is about coming as you are and watching how an altogether sovereign God transforms your life from the inside out not from the outside in.  Churches must be hospitals for the sick, not social clubs for the righteous.

Church Involvement. 

    So often we have church groups only coming down to gain their missionary "token." They gather their youth or their Bible study group and come down for a day and pass out cupcakes and struggle to fill the awkward gaps in conversation. Our churches need to rise up and revitalize whole neighborhoods. Often that may mean answering the big call to relocate. This isn't an easy challenge I know but I know it is made less difficult if the churches we do have now would start cell groups or Gospel Communities or sponsor church plants close to the East side. If we can start on the fringe and work our way outward I can only faintly fathom what God will do in a small network of Christians going door to door offering friendship and assistance, reaching out to the poor and taking action to help our children see what real men and women look like.

Revival. 

      I know, I know, just saying it sounds outdated but imagine if we took a weekend and set up in a park. Studies can directly link community change with revivals. We could line the park with booths focused on outreach and church involvement. We could have fun events for kids and bring powerful speakers and good solid Christian music. We could hold prayer meetings at the end of each day. When it's all over with we involve ourselves in the lives of those who either signed up or requested more info. We check back and make a vow to continue our efforts. This show of activity will let the communities know we are no longer going to view them as a distance group or foreign territory. Plus when you get that many people together focusing on the Holy Spirit moving there is no end to the power!

Church Unity. 

    There are thousands of churches in Kansas City. It's amazing that it took 11 scared and frightened men barely out of their teens to change the world yet millions of us surrounding a small city cannot. I'm disgusted by the egotism of pastors too afraid to reach out to other gifted men and involve them in the process or even to set aside the prestige of the pulpit to allow for us all to band together. Be it mode of baptism  mode of communion or even whether or not we can lose our salvation, most of the arguments that separate us are petty. We have far more by way of essentials that bind us than the non-essentials that separate us. We must, in the cause to transform our communities for Jesus Christ pool our resources and join in on the fight rather than puff our chests in a stance to prove who's the best.

I Am

    In response to the question, "What's wrong with the world?" G.K. Chesterton responded, "I am!" You, me, each one of us first must look at what is inside of us that may lead to furthering the atrocity of this city. How can we ever change our world if we first do not look to change ourselves? "Be the change," MLK JR. said, "That you wish to see in the world."

    At the heart of every conflict is either an inflated view of self or a depleted view. We either think so highly of ourselves that any interference causes us to lash out in anger or discontent. Or on the flip side in our poor self-esteem we are seeking to make others just as miserable as ourselves. 

 Crazy? Maybe.

     I'm sitting outside on a park bench on a beautiful day and I am seeing so many beautiful people from all walks of life. I stop to have conversations and speak to others about their view. Seems everyone I talk to knows all this and does desire change.

     So I write this not as a man with a grand design or to promote new liberation theology. I only speak the passion welling up inside me that causes me to cry at least once every shift at City Union. It is the passion that causes indignation when I see racism displayed or judgment cast simply by a person's position in life. This passion to live like Jesus should be in all of us who call him our Lord

     Grand idea? Maybe. But I do know that Jesus took a few rag tag failures and lit the world on fire. Just imagine what he could do with you?

No Matter the Journey

Each day that I awoke behind that looming 40 foot wall that surrounds the four perimeters of USP Leavenworth I promised myself I would never return once I left. I made a vow that I'd do whatever it took to walk the straight and narrow - I wouldn't even jaywalk if it meant fostering my freedom! So to get the news that I might have broken that promise, that I may have done something to jeopardize the precious time I have with my wife, I was devastated. 

Ever have a day when you don't feel like getting out of bed? I'm not talking about that Monday morning feeling when the weekend went too fast. No, I mean I didn't want to move. I was gripped by so many emotions, all of them troubling. On the one hand I was in dread over being away from Beki. And speaking of which, she is the one who accidentally gave me the prescribed cough syrup. I mean come on, who ever consciously thinks about codine or morphine in cough syrup when their husband is sick and you get it out of your mom's medicine cabinet? Then there was the embarrassment I would face over disgracing my God; because when it all comes down to it, it is Him that I dishonor when my testimony fails due to the lack of obedience. And really, who would believe a returning con's story that his wife fed him cough syrup and that is the reason he went back to prison? 

Needless to say I didn't want to face a world that would: 1) not believe me when I say I didn't do anything. 2) Would wonder if my life in Christ is really real. 3) Have doubts about my change from degenerate to regenerated. Because, after all, what world ever gives the returning probationee/returning prisoner the benefit of the doubt? and 4) Lose my job at City Union Mission where I counsel men on how to stay drug free and crime free. In that case let me add 5) Being considered a hypocrite because I preach and counsel about the dangers of drug use yet returned to prison for a failed UA!

So I would lay there, motionless, screaming in my head and asking why. I moped around the house and sought menial tasks to occupy my despondent mind. However, I sought to wipe the chagrin off as soon as I'd see Beki, for she was having as hard a time dealing with this as I was. I would remind her of my friend John Caudell's email and how no matter the outcome God was working through the situation to advance His kingdom; we just had to remain obedient in the face of this test. 

To make matters worse I am faced with the mortality of my Grandpa Powers who is going in for a risky surgery come Monday. Beki and I will be driving down down to Hutch tomorrow. In addition, Midwestern has seemed to drop the ball on more than one occasion with my schooling and has proven to me that some of its staff are no different than a secular institution. And my hours at City Union Mission have been cut tremendously in the face of a request for more shifts. Oh, and I think I'm going bald! 

Through all that, I realize those last things are a part of life - a freed life. I know that death is guaranteed and in the shuffle of paperwork a needy student may be overlooked. I know that God will protect my finances and give me just what I need and Beki will still love me even if all my hair falls out. Those are small potatoes in the bigger picture. Even going back to prison is small potatoes when I consider the larger scope of this life and what it means to live for God rather than for self. God often leads us into uncomfortable situations and asks of us what may seem impossible. I cannot question that direction nor can I determine tomorrow's outcome. What I can focus on is today and know that if I live by my life's mission statement: Work Hard - Live Pure - Leave the Rest to God, all will turn out in the end for His glory. After all, our life is not to be lived chasing after comfort but rather striving for a Christ centered existence, no matter what road we must walk down to get there.  

No Matter the Journey

Each day that I awoke behind that looming 40 foot wall that surrounds the four perimeters of USP Leavenworth I promised myself I would never return once I left. I made a vow that I'd do whatever it took to walk the straight and narrow - I wouldn't even jaywalk if it meant fostering my freedom! So to get the news that I might have broken that promise, that I may have done something to jeopardize the precious time I have with my wife, I was devastated. 

Ever have a day when you don't feel like getting out of bed? I'm not talking about that Monday morning feeling when the weekend went too fast. No, I mean I didn't want to move. I was gripped by so many emotions, all of them troubling. On the one hand I was in dread over being away from Beki. And speaking of which, she is the one who accidentally gave me the prescribed cough syrup. I mean come on, who ever consciously thinks about codine or morphine in cough syrup when their husband is sick and you get it out of your mom's medicine cabinet? Then there was the embarrassment I would face over disgracing my God; because when it all comes down to it, it is Him that I dishonor when my testimony fails due to the lack of obedience. And really, who would believe a returning con's story that his wife fed him cough syrup and that is the reason he went back to prison? 

Needless to say I didn't want to face a world that would: 1) not believe me when I say I didn't do anything. 2) Would wonder if my life in Christ is really real. 3) Have doubts about my change from degenerate to regenerated. Because, after all, what world ever gives the returning probationee/returning prisoner the benefit of the doubt? and 4) Lose my job at City Union Mission where I counsel men on how to stay drug free and crime free. In that case let me add 5) Being considered a hypocrite because I preach and counsel about the dangers of drug use yet returned to prison for a failed UA!

So I would lay there, motionless, screaming in my head and asking why. I moped around the house and sought menial tasks to occupy my despondent mind. However, I sought to wipe the chagrin off as soon as I'd see Beki, for she was having as hard a time dealing with this as I was. I would remind her of my friend John Caudell's email and how no matter the outcome God was working through the situation to advance His kingdom; we just had to remain obedient in the face of this test. 

To make matters worse I am faced with the mortality of my Grandpa Powers who is going in for a risky surgery come Monday. Beki and I will be driving down down to Hutch tomorrow. In addition, Midwestern has seemed to drop the ball on more than one occasion with my schooling and has proven to me that some of its staff are no different than a secular institution. And my hours at City Union Mission have been cut tremendously in the face of a request for more shifts. Oh, and I think I'm going bald! 

Through all that, I realize those last things are a part of life - a freed life. I know that death is guaranteed and in the shuffle of paperwork a needy student may be overlooked. I know that God will protect my finances and give me just what I need and Beki will still love me even if all my hair falls out. Those are small potatoes in the bigger picture. Even going back to prison is small potatoes when I consider the larger scope of this life and what it means to live for God rather than for self. God often leads us into uncomfortable situations and asks of us what may seem impossible. I cannot question that direction nor can I determine tomorrow's outcome. What I can focus on is today and know that if I live by my life's mission statement: Work Hard - Live Pure - Leave the Rest to God, all will turn out in the end for His glory. After all, our life is not to be lived chasing after comfort but rather striving for a Christ centered existence, no matter what road we must walk down to get there.  

No Matter the Journey

Each day that I awoke behind that looming 40 foot wall that surrounds the four perimeters of USP Leavenworth I promised myself I would never return once I left. I made a vow that I'd do whatever it took to walk the straight and narrow - I wouldn't even jaywalk if it meant fostering my freedom! So to get the news that I might have broken that promise, that I may have done something to jeopardize the precious time I have with my wife, I was devastated. 

Ever have a day when you don't feel like getting out of bed? I'm not talking about that Monday morning feeling when the weekend went too fast. No, I mean I didn't want to move. I was gripped by so many emotions, all of them troubling. On the one hand I was in dread over being away from Beki. And speaking of which, she is the one who accidentally gave me the prescribed cough syrup. I mean come on, who ever consciously thinks about codine or morphine in cough syrup when their husband is sick and you get it out of your mom's medicine cabinet? Then there was the embarrassment I would face over disgracing my God; because when it all comes down to it, it is Him that I dishonor when my testimony fails due to the lack of obedience. And really, who would believe a returning con's story that his wife fed him cough syrup and that is the reason he went back to prison? 

Needless to say I didn't want to face a world that would: 1) not believe me when I say I didn't do anything. 2) Would wonder if my life in Christ is really real. 3) Have doubts about my change from degenerate to regenerated. Because, after all, what world ever gives the returning probationee/returning prisoner the benefit of the doubt? and 4) Lose my job at City Union Mission where I counsel men on how to stay drug free and crime free. In that case let me add 5) Being considered a hypocrite because I preach and counsel about the dangers of drug use yet returned to prison for a failed UA!

So I would lay there, motionless, screaming in my head and asking why. I moped around the house and sought menial tasks to occupy my despondent mind. However, I sought to wipe the chagrin off as soon as I'd see Beki, for she was having as hard a time dealing with this as I was. I would remind her of my friend John Caudell's email and how no matter the outcome God was working through the situation to advance His kingdom; we just had to remain obedient in the face of this test. 

To make matters worse I am faced with the mortality of my Grandpa Powers who is going in for a risky surgery come Monday. Beki and I will be driving down down to Hutch tomorrow. In addition, Midwestern has seemed to drop the ball on more than one occasion with my schooling and has proven to me that some of its staff are no different than a secular institution. And my hours at City Union Mission have been cut tremendously in the face of a request for more shifts. Oh, and I think I'm going bald! 

Through all that, I realize those last things are a part of life - a freed life. I know that death is guaranteed and in the shuffle of paperwork a needy student may be overlooked. I know that God will protect my finances and give me just what I need and Beki will still love me even if all my hair falls out. Those are small potatoes in the bigger picture. Even going back to prison is small potatoes when I consider the larger scope of this life and what it means to live for God rather than for self. God often leads us into uncomfortable situations and asks of us what may seem impossible. I cannot question that direction nor can I determine tomorrow's outcome. What I can focus on is today and know that if I live by my life's mission statement: Work Hard - Live Pure - Leave the Rest to God, all will turn out in the end for His glory. After all, our life is not to be lived chasing after comfort but rather striving for a Christ centered existence, no matter what road we must walk down to get there.  

Honest Calling

I had to really push myself today and decide what was most important in my life. Today was the first time I was truly honest with myself and with the person "interviewing" me for a position. That honesty allowed for me to set my priorities straight and find out how important my calling is in relation to chasing after a dollar. Before it was always about earning a buck and not telling the truth about not wanting to sacrifice what's important in my life so I can get the job. 
A friend of mine gave me an opportunity to pick up some work and scheduled me to sit down in an interview to see if I would be willing to work for their company. It's not the ministry and it's not carpentry but I knew I could use the extra dollars as times can be tough now days.
The interview got cut short - 2 minutes in all. Reason being is I was asked to fill a position that required me to be at the behest of this man 24/7. The question that ended the meeting so quick: "What about working Sunday?"
You can guess what my answer was. Seems my priorities weren't adjusted to what the job duties called for.
Being honest about who I am and being obedient to what God has called me for has defined my life over the course of this season. I've reassessed what I have been given and what direction I've been led and that calls for some serious sacrifice when it comes to jobs, money and the potential to have possessions I long for. But who would I be if it were not a minister? Who would I be if I didn't use what talents and abilities the Lord has blessed me with?
I know God places on each of us a position, a title, a duty, a calling if you will, that mission we must do with all that is in us be it a doctor, lawyer, mom, roofer or farmer. I know that the times are tough and money makes the world go round but what about God's command to let tomorrow worry about itself and to not serve money as though it were what makes life life?
I wish that the ministry paid well. I wish that pastors (Biblically minded pastors!) earned what they were worth. I wish that school wasn't so expensive and time consuming. But I also wish that I would be so bold enough to place His priorities above even the chance to make lots of money!
My dad picked up this proverb from his Grandpa and passed it on to me, "Find out what you love to do and you'll never work a day in your life." That seems to be where I'm at right now. I only hope that while chasing after Him, I don't miss the biggest ministry opportunity any man is given: caring for his family. 

The New New Year

2012 has gone and it was quite the year. I sit and I contemplate the moments of last year and I'm never amazed at how much has happened, how much has come and how different my life looks now in comparison to this time one year ago.

Alvarez, Shawn Sanchez and Myself

The hardened men of the Leather shop

My Mentor Ralph Maser

The USP Leavenworth Softball All-Stars

I woke up this time last year in a prison cell in A cell house Leavenworth. The anticipation and anxiety that consumed me was enough to drive me out of my mind. I had so many thoughts of what life could look like that I laid awake most nights tossing as the images of a life I never lived danced past my closed eyes. Here I had spent 3 years being told what to do and when to do it with very little freedom for my own choices; now I had to think about a job, responsibility and making a life for myself that seemed so foreign. The questions were many, "Could I do it? Will I screw it up? Will I fall back into the same patterns?" That confident part of me thought I had it all figured out, as though in hindsight there wasn't going to be any difficulty in the transition from living a life as an outlaw to a responsible driven man of Christ.

The Christians of LVN

My Friends visiting

Little did I know how difficult it would be. I was faced with 6 months of endless torment from a facility that existed to help yet somewhere in there functioning forgot that fact. January through July I was continually at the mercy of counselors and case managers who were hardened to the difficulty of reintegration and decided that it was easier to send men back to prison than to allow them the assistance needed to change their lives.

My hero Chaplain Hughes

But I made it. I saw a change in the attitudes of the staff responsible for my care and watched as they were stunned by my submissive attitude with each overwhelming command they gave. See, I resolved early on to never respond out of anger towards anyone. Being in Leavenworth gave me a lot of time to think and build a character that had its foundation built on living out the principles of Scripture: bless when cursed, love when hated, seek peace and be compelled by Christ.
It was through that surrendering the situation to God that I was allowed to marry the woman of my dreams when it looked like it wasn't going to happen. God blessed me in spite of the situation and I was able to see one of the best days of my life happen on April 29, 2012.

The first day I met my Nephew

It has been...joyously tough being married. I say joyous because I have never felt so sure of God, myself, and my future like I am standing next to Beki. I say tough because I've never had to be accountable to another human being before. When problems arose I just drowned them in drugs or left them in a cloud of dust as my tires laid was of the pavement.Now I face challenge and work though problems as one part of a two part life.

She never missed a weekend

Through this holy union I've come to know a life I never thought possible. 2012 has been the first year since high school (aside from prison) that I have stayed in one place. It has been the first year that I have welcomed the thought of waking up each day under the same roof, with the same person, with the same friends. 2012 has been the first year where I finally felt a sense of belonging in a world once too foreign.
I know there are many this time of year who set out to make resolutions and they come up with grand ideas to change their lives. I used to do that, mostly it involved promising myself never to use drugs again or resolving to make a different life in a different town with different people. We could spend hours thinking about the many different ways to change ourselves but I prefer not to do that. I'd rather focus only on becoming a better version of me by, as my father in-law says, "Living out of my heart and making each day matter." Because no matter what may come in 2013, it is far better than where I spent most of 2012, and all of 2011, 2010, and 2009.

Holiday Cheer

Beki's Workstation

Christmas is here! Beki and I are in complete holiday cheer mode as we are cranking out crafts and decorating our halls with fa la la la la fun! I'm quite amazed at the artist which has come to life within my gorgeous wife. She is wielding her hot glue gun in one hand, scissors in the other while the images of Pinterest dance on the computer screen in her peripheral. From scarfs to coasters all the way to front door wreaths this bride of mine is going hot glue crazy and fabricating formidable presents of North Pole standards with mere Modge Podge and burlap .

The Beki Touch of Creativity

Believe it or not, this is my first Christmas of celebratory bliss in 5 years - my 2nd in 7. 2006 I had my vehicle stolen and spent Christmas day hungry and alone in my apartment out in Nowhere, Iowa. 2007 I spent thousands of hard earned Union dollars and enjoyed a family filled festive season. 2008 I was left alone by my fleeing parents who escaped to Kansas for the week while I was confined to within 100 feet of my house. We all know where I spent 2009, 2010, and 2011.

Beki's Tree Skirt (cute huh?)

Our Wedding Cards

So this year is extra special for me. It has a significant number of firsts: 1st time with Beki. 1st time as a husband. 1st time as a homeowner. 1st time as a free'd man (or as some call it, "ex-con"). 1st time as a Barreth-In-Law. Now that fact in and of itself is cool - I get to spend the holidays with - by far - one of the coolest families on earth!

My latest home decor

Our Lovely Home

And this is also the first Christmas my mom and dad can be worry free about where I'm at, what I'm doing and with whom I'm doing it with. I'm free. I'm redeemed. I'm renewed. I'm loving life and all that the holiday's are bringing thus far. Now back to the crafts....

The Election, Jesus, and Our Hope

Just Breath

Post election - can we breathe yet? Most of you know I am, by political nature, a social conservative. I believe in the power of the individual rather than the power of the institution. I wasn't always that way however. Back in 2008 I worked on Barack Obama's campaign team. I was a card carrying member of the Huntington Beach Democratic Society. Dad took me out there on a business trip and while he worked all day I handed out fliers on the beach and passed out free "Hope/Change" stickers.

I had hope then that our system of Gov't could change and that Mr. Obama was the one to begin that process. But that was back before I became a Christian. I didn't know the differences in Biblical Christianity and political policy

Today a New Message

Four years later we're re-electing the most anti-Christian president in our modern history. In “Audacity of Hope” he writes: “I will stand with the Muslims should the political winds shift in an ugly direction.” The quote comes from page 261 of the paperback edition of “The Audacity of Hope.. I had hope four years ago and I had hope in this election too. But now I'm faced to reassess my view of America, politics, our future and the Church knowing what true Islam stands for. Take this passage from the Koran for example:

“O you who believe! do not take the Jews and the Christians for friends; they are friends of each other; and whoever amongst you takes them for a friend, then surely he is one of them; surely Allah does not guide the unjust people.” (Sura 5, verse 51).

God's Word

In the Bible there is a clear side of life: 1) Righteous 2) Unrighteous. On the side of righteousness are those who put there faith and trust in the life, death, and Resurrection of Jesus. Out of that trust comes an obedience to His commands for "By this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments." (1 John 2:3) The second are the unrighteous, "The one who says, 'I have come to know Him,' and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him." (1 John 2:4)

Let us not be fooled into thinking that this president is anything other than a deceiver. He openly promotes the godless act of killing children, quote, "But if they make a mistake, I don’t want them punished with a baby."  The context of that statement was in regards to the hypothetical question of him allowing his daughters to get an abortion. This conversation alone should have had us screaming for his impeachment but it is obvious that we have lost our respect for human life as well as respect for God's Word. For if you believe in a Sovereign Creator than you believe he makes no, "mistakes" when it comes to a child's life.

He also openly promotes sexual perversion (even having the audacity to promote one as a judge over us). The Bible is crystal clear about homosexuality, and not just in the OT: "Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality," (1 Cor 6:9 [also cf. 1 Tim 1:10 and Jesus' words in Matthew 15:19]).
Fiscal responsibility is a Biblical issue as well. Our current administration has added more debt than nearly all of the past presidents combined. What we have failed to even realize is that most of it has gone to special interest groups who've either gone under, sent their money overseas or have wasted that money creating zero jobs here in America.

The Future

So what does this all mean for me? I'm a federally convicted felon who has forfeited his right to vote. But I'm not talking politics here - I'm talking fundamental Christianity that lines itself up with the Bible and not popular opinion. I take the Bible in its entirety, not just the mushy parts that fit my agenda or hold sway with popular opinion. With that said.
We must take a step back and assess the situation with the view in mind that the only hope we have is in Christ, His bride the Church and readiness for when the end draws near. I have decided that this election has shown one thing so clearly and that is Barack Obama and the American populace are furthering the outcome God has already told us would happen (1 Timothy 3:1-7).

Obedience to Authority

Jesus said, "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's" and 2 apostles in their letters implored us to obey all authority. So we mustn't "buy guns, canned food, gold, land and disappear into the mountains" as I heard one guy say.

 We must obey the authority of this President and do our best to treat him with love, compassion and pray for his salvation and right leadership. In sum, we must give him - like it or not - our very best.

The Scriptures are clear, we must preach Jesus and His return while we have today; we have no other task as important as this. Politics, partisan bickering and slander must give way to Biblical truths. We must awaken people's hearts to Jesus and Him crucified helping people to understand that the actions they take, whether popular or not, have a consequence. "If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another..." (1 John 1:6-7)

Move Forward

This is not a time to cover ourselves in sackcloth and ashes while mourning the plight of America. We mustn't weep and wail at the thought of what the President might do. That should not be our focus. We already know the outcome, we already know what's going to happen to this world (which, by the way, is not our home!). One mere man will not stop the progress of God. What we must take into account is that this loving Creator has told us to do one thing and do it well: Obey Jesus Christ. That means speaking the truth in love, obeying authority, caring for the poor and the sick, preaching repentance and salvation, and offering our lives for the sake of the Church.

If we veer from that path, we are in danger of missing out on the whole point of our lives here on this earth. And no president can interfere with the mission of bringing Jesus to light.

Finding Out God's Will: A Scarey Notion

Three women sat in car outside of a 7-11 on Eastwood and 435. They were handing out pamphlets and I got super excited to share with my fellow evangelists for a time of spiritual uplifting.
"Do you know about Jesus Christ?" She asked me? "Here's literature for you." She stuck her hand out of the window before I could answer the question.
I reached for the pamphlet and immediately recognized it. Recognizing the title of the work I quickly said, "Absolutely not!" It was from a faith different from sound Biblical doctrine.

Francis Chan

For the next 30 minutes I engaged in a deep conversation about how they are completely offensive to me and the Jesus of the Bible. The words of Francis Chan kept coming to me as I was seeking to demonstrate - in love and grace - how the Jesus they represent is not the Jesus I worship.
Let me say this without "plagiarizing" Mr. Chan but retelling my conversation with these ladies, I don't know much about engaging other religions and I seek not to cause arguments or create an enemy out of a fellow human being. So I use the best pastoral examples to engage conversations in a "woman at the well-esque" way.
I followed up my conversation with these women by saying, "You cannot possibly read this Bible, even the one you're holding, and come to the conclusion that Jesus is anything other than God in the flesh, deity meeting humanity, the sovereign coming to earth.You get it not because you have come to that conclusion on your own but rather because someone else told you that was the way to think!"
My question is the same that Mr. Chan asks, "What is it that I believe that someone else told me too but I can't find in Scripture?"
I was telling my testimony to a new friend the other day (an exhausting endeavor I must say!) and reliving how we acted in prison towards one another. We shared everything. I'm not kidding. We would share food, clothes, books, money, and even underwear! Okay, so that last one isn't true but I would if a brother asked for my chonies. But nothing was ours that wasn't each others.
Now coming out I'm baffled by the separation of church members. I'm baffled by how we are so distant from the people in our churches and so distant from our fellow professing believers. I'm sitting here at the mission looking at tons of believers that will go through the day wondering if they'll make it back to the mission in time for a meal; in time for a bed to sleep in safely from the cold and crime of the streets.

Some Random Church

It was saddened the other day when I went to a church. I had to push a button fourteen times there attached to the wall by the door before finally getting an answer. "Can I help you?" They asked as if I were pulling into a drive-through ordering fries.
"Can I talk to someone?" I asked half laughing half getting ticked off.
"What can I help you with?"
"I would like to talk to someone physically." I asked and asked again four more times.
It was a weird moment. Here I was at a Christ professing church and yet no one was there to meet me without, what seemed like, me giving a special code word. Is this a representation of the church in Scripture? A fortress type building there to blockade itself in rather than seek to transform from without? Shouldn't a church be about opening its doors and allowing anyone one in at anytime? Why are bars open more hours than our church???!!!

Our Savior was never too busy to lift the needy

I wonder, what if I read the Bible and sought to live out what I read? What if I stopped looking at the culture around me and started to live like a...Christian? What would that look like and more importantly what would I have to give up? Better yet, What would I have to do?
Finding out God's will, as Mr. Chan says, is a scarey notion. Yet it's what we're called to seek out before anything else. God's will first is for you to have a relationship with him and second for you to lay down your life for others. Does that match up with your church's culture or mission? Does that match up with what you're seeking in your walk with God?

Doing What I Love/Loving What I Do

My first week at City Union Mission was amazing! I have such a heart for those men and want to see each one cared for, ministered to and treated with love. That's why I'm loving every second of it. Check it out, my job is to hang out with these guys, listen to their stories, pray with them and read them Scriptures. Can you believe I get paid to do what I would do for free?!
It's tough yes. I'm pulling hours still as an independent contractor so that makes for a tiring week. Thankfully I'm loving what I'm doing now and that counts for a whole lot.

I met Willie and Wayne, I call them the twin towers because their huge. Willie just found himself an apartment and a job - praise God! I took an old vet to the VA last Sunday after work and literally cried because of his story of separation, loss and disability. Then there is Red. He's an incessant insomniac who loves to tell me 49 different stories in one conversation. And many more I could go on and on about.
The systemic causes of homelessness are so complex and often to vast for this pee brains capacity and it hurts to think of how tough some have it. Going in there helps me far more than I could ever help them. I'm reminded each day of the blessings I have and how grateful I should be for the life I live and for the family that I have.

On a side note. I just came in from walking the streets with some fellow students at Midwestern. We had some interesting conversations and I met some fascinating people. These three girls that were apart of our team are so impressive. They have started a street ministry called Revolution. Amazing they have such a heart for the lost at such a young age.

Dr. Johnston joined us tonight. He's a giant in the faith and a brilliant man who could easily live in an ivory tower on campus but shows his love for the Great Commission by coming out with students like us - shows what a solid man of Christ he is.

Pondering Purpose

It wasn't long ago my friend Shawn Sanchez called me up, "I'm working at a mission!" He exclaimed with spiritual fervor. It hadn't struck me in all my time as a Christian how important a ministry our missions and organizations like them can be. I can't tell you what it was I thought I'd do: Pastor, preach, youth minister? but I knew it would be something by way of devoting my all to a career ministering the Gospel. So when I went on a soul search of who I was and what passions I possess it was in my friend's life I decided to embark on a journey to find out God's will for my life; His plan so to speak.
Today, my last full day with Morgan Jacobs Construction, I dug ditches. I broke through tree root, concrete and rose bushes on my way to digging those much needed footers. Needless to say I have a couple of blisters and a sore back. Nothing new - it's what I've done all my life.
I pondered this plight - this grunt work - in my search for meaning. I thought, "What am I really good at? Is it only working like an ox? So, what is it?" No it isn't computer programming; nor would they allow me to be a banker. I can't sell shoes much less cars. I don't know how to build rockets nor operate on a human. The bewilderment I faced was taxing - after all, is it not the quest of every man to find that one purpose and dedicate himself to it with all he has?

I'm a former drug addict, ex-con, degenerate, street thug who loved to raise hell and didn't mind sleeping under a bridge when I had to. I possess very little job placement "skill" and I have a tendency to work harder than my body will allow. So in bemoaning my current life condition I found my niche: minister to the broken!
Why not?
Hey, I'd like to slap the smile off of Joel Osteen just like any right minded Christian and you won't find me buyin what Joyce Meyer is sellin either. But if anyone has cause to be an example for their false prosperity gospel it's me. In January I had nothing: no home, no car, no clothes, no money, no job, no bank account, no nothing! Now, almost 11 months later I am doing well for myself. I know that doesn't give me reason to boast (I will boast in Christ alone) but if I were to be talking in human terms God has blessed me beyond measure.  (And no it wasn't because I "spoke it into existence!")
What does all this add up to? I can help - I think. I think, as my friend Shawn has done out in San Fran, I can offer encouragement, advice, and empathy to those grasping for the light in the midst of darkness. Heck, why else would I have gone through the things I had? And another thing, it would be a shame if I didn't, like a warrior escaping the battle, go back in and get my comrades.
Yep, that's my purpose - I think. God may say differently. In the mean time I'm walking into, for the first time ever, my very first job wearing something other than an old beat up pair of wranglers and a stained t-shirt.

Telling the Story

Another milestone occured this weekend in our marriage: Our first pumpkin carving. We had a blast in an impromptu desire to carve pumpkins with my parents out in Kingsville this weekend. We had planned on seeing our beloved patriarch S.E. Moore, however surgery had him a bit weary.

Pumpkin carving with Mom and Dad

Speaking of Grandpa, Beki and I told our testimonies last night to our Gospel Community group. These people have been such a joy to share our time with each Sunday night.
It's hard for me to talk about my story (So Beki is sitting beside me this morning and I know is making the comment to herself, "Hard to talk? You?"). What I mean is this, as I grow in Christ I become more aware that the story really isn't about me. It's not me who somehow turned his life around and is living this different way because he's tougher, more able or any other reason of my own doing. So telling my story before Christ makes me uncomfortable - terribly uncomfortable.
I don't know why. Maybe it's like the addict or alcoholic that doesn't want to continue reliving the glory/tragic days of drinking (then again that would make an A.A. meeting silent!). I know that for me what happens when I drum up the past it becomes a reminder of how screwed up I can make any situation if I'm the one driving the car.  Plus, I feel an overwhelming sense of loss due to the time missed building relationships, doing what's right and the time I had to spend in prison because I didn't know how to act right.

Beki With Granny and Grandpa Moore

I lived a foolish life; I really did. My decisions were often based on personal pleasure and the people I associated with were the ones who would hurt me the second my back turned. The bigger picture was an afterthought and my perception was clouded in anger and violence. That was my life defined in a blurb.
How many ways can I tell that? How often must I? Last night was the first time I think I ever got it right. I didn't go in with a script but just let my story be focused solely on Christ and the redemption He provided. I guess that's all one can really do. Living past stories are often laced with ego and grandeur; kind of hard to include either of those when repeating the name of Jesus!

A Quest To Serve

 I had an interesting conversation the other day with a coworker, and yes, it involved Jesus. He was saying how his friends seemed to all die at the same age of 47. He's coming up on that age so I asked the question, "What if you only had ___ amount of years to live?"
The question seemed to hit me with the impact I had intended for him as soon as it rolled off my tongue. What if I had only x amount of years? What if I had but months? Or days? How do I want to spend them. And it was in the response I gave for my own question, "Serving others," that I had one of those "Ah Ha!" moments.
 These last few weeks have been very...I don't know how to put it, life altering. Beki and I have thrown our all into Redeemer Fellowship and have been excited to finally know the Lord has called us to a church to serve in. In addition I had a fantastic weekend with these amazing men sold out for Christ who are loaded with potential.

Then there's my quest to seek out employment in the ministry. This quest is the one I grapple with the most. In a lot of ways I look at my seminary education as the catch all to landing a job; as though a degree suddenly opens up a position automatically. Though it might open up more doors than without I still know that I can't simply rely on an education to cover over my past...
Ah! There it is. See, here's what I struggle with the most: Will my past create fewer opportunities, or better yet, will it eliminate them altogether? On the one hand I know how big God is and that if he wants He'll open doors when they seem shut. But on the other, Where does the freedom for humans to reject even His chosen factor in?
Here's what I mean, I focus so much on this "jacket" that some say deems me a reject. So what does that make me? A product of the endless paper trail of poor decision making. I'm not good with rejection and it seems so often that rejection comes before opportunity with me. And 99.9% of the time it comes before I even get to meet a person. Because I know that if I could at least have that chance, an encounter with me increases my stock 10 fold. (whatever that idiom means)


But is it not the .01 percent we Christians hold on to in struggle? Is not the Creator of the universe, Healer of the lame, Restorer to the broken just as powerful with that tenth of a percent? I don't even think He needs that! Heck, I'm sure that God, no matter what situation we find ourselves in, doesn't even need a possibility because with Him "all things are possible!" 

So I hold out for that .01% chance that somehow the Lord will call me into the ministry if that be His will for my life and nothing, not even a piece of a paper, will stop that. In the meantime I live with this motto: Work Hard - Live Pure - Leave the Rest To God.

A New Family

I am, still, at this very moment blown away by those who surrounded me this weekend. I don't think they'll ever realize how great of an impact each one had on my life. The reason being? Because I was included into their lives as though I was a brother, a friend, and someone (forgive me) worthy enough to be in the company of such incredible people.
So that last statement needs to be clarified: I've never been around men of God before like I was this weekend. I've never experienced men who pray before they eat, talk freely about Jesus and their desire to impact the world in a positive, visionary like way. Alex, Pastor Jeff, Jordan, Barrett, Ben, Jake, all these men who've done big, world impacting things for the Kingdom surrounded me and it felt like I had known them all my life. It was inspiring on so many levels yet heart breaking on another.

See, I wasn't raised in a Christian home. Sure mom and dad did the best they could with what they  knew but I thought Jesus was a cuss word and not the Savior of the world up until I was 25. It breaks my heart to look back and know that I missed the opportunities to live a godly life and know that somehow I missed something throughout my childhood.
Yet on the other hand it was such a blessing. Get this, though I didn't have the experiences I would have liked with Christians as a child - my kids will. My children are going to get to call Ben Barreth Uncle...Ben (hey, like the rice! I just realized that.) Seriously, they are going to be able to say they have Jake as their uncle and Melody as their aunt. They'll be inspired by their uncle Barrett ( www.gowalkamerica.org ) and know that they can be encouraged by their Aunt Meredith. These are such rich hopes I have for our children. These are such wonderful hopes. And I know this will determine for Beki and I's children that the path to success runs straight through their aunts and uncles, their grandpa Ray and their cousins Zeke (the Prayer warrior) and Gwen.
What I'm saying is, though I wouldn't trade my family for anything, I'm so richly blessed to be included in this new one that includes revolutionaries for Jesus who have impacted their communities, their country, and their world for the positive. "How awesome is that?!" as Barrett would say.  
Melody, Jake, Congrats and may all that you seek be found in Christ's call for your lives through this beautiful union.