Prisoner or Product

I sat on the hill of dirt, freshly dug by my blistered hands. I'd been at it all day long. The hot California sun beat down upon my sweat soaked face as I let out a sigh. The pressure I'd been under, coupled with the thought of what lay ahead made the sun feel even more intense. This was day 4 of another week's worth of digging. With the trouble I was in I'd be digging until I was discharged from the beloved Corps; that is unless they put me on "crapper duty."
As I sat begrudging my current plight and the unknown future I noticed a favorite S.Sgt of mine coming up the hill. "Oh great," I thought. "He's here to tell me to get back to work."
"Lee!" He raised his voice 100 feet before he came to me. "What cha doin Lee?" He asked with his thick North Carolinian draw as he pulled up beside me, adjusting his trousers as he sat on the dirt next to me. He reached into his tigh pocket and pulled out an ice cold bottle of water handing it to me. "Lee, what's wrong with you man?"
I wanted to give some smart remark, respond with an attitude but I had a lot of respect for this guy. So I said nothing, quietly wondering if he too had thought of me as a failure, a screw up, a disgrace. "Lee," he started. "I see you mopin roun here all sad. Listen up son. How long did that incident last? What, 30 seconds? Now you've been a Marine for three years now and your record is outstanding. So, you get in trouble for 30 seconds but spend 3 years doing what's right. I'm no genius but I'd say you's more a success than a failure."
Looking back after many years since that day and the many memories, I've come to believe that I'm more than my bad choices. Believe me, I've done some really stupid stuff and made people ask the question "Why," and "How" I could "be so foolish." Recently I was contacted by an old, very dear friend. She reached out to me and I was not only suprised to hear from her but also relieved that she was still around and willing to forgive me for the hauting moments we had, wasting our lives chasing a drug to fill the void in our hearts.
So I look back on who I was and what I'd done in those days of hard partying and useless chasing after drugs and the words, "Forgive and you'll be forgiven" take a whole new meaning. I know now a lot of forgiveness that is necessary must come from me forgiving myself. It was crucial to my recovery and the subsequent growth as a Christian minister to not only recognize the hurt I caused myself and others but forgive myself for it. Because afterall, living with a tether to the past makes us prisoners to it and not merely products of it.
So to that friend, who had the amazing father, I say thank you for reminding me not only of who I was, but who I've become in spite of it. I am not proud of who I was in that maddening life but it was a brief moment in the larger scheme of life and I'm no genius but I'd say I have a lot more opportunities for succes rather than failure as I know you do too.